The fact that Scapegoat Wax were discovered and promoted by members of the Beastie Boys should come as a shock to anyone who worships the Beasties for their remarkable achievements in the world of rap music. "Aisle 10 (Allison)," released in mid-2001, was the first single from Scapegoat Wax, but unfortunately it will be far from the last. The style of the song is best described as white rap. But this isn't Beastie Boys quality white rap. This isn't even Crazy Town or Vanilla Ice quality white rap. This song is the worst white rap song I've ever heard. The lead rapper (who resembles the overweight male VJ on MTV2) exhibits no rapping talent whatsoever. He simply talks the words, failing to utilize the effective vocal inflections and pauses that make rappers such as the Beasties' Mike D. or even L.L. Cool J so effective. His vocals are as void of soul and attitude as rap vocals can conceivably be. Even the brief rap interludes that appear in songs by acts such as Backstreet Boys and *N Sync are more effective than this.
Worse yet is the moronic subject matter. The lyrics of the song (as well as the video) revolve mainly around a spill in aisle 10 of a grocery store (no, I'm not making this up). Included are occasional references to a woman named "Allison" who the rapper-turned-grocery store employee notices as a frequent visitor to the store. Admittedly, the woman playing the role of "Allison" in the video is an absolute knockout, but that doesn't change the fact that this song has established a new low for the U.S. recording industry. Another plus involving the video is the fact that the lead rapper seems obviously obsessed/fixated with the woman in the video. Since unhealthy psychosis is still a relatively experimental/alternative element of rap videos, I have to give the video a few points on the basis of this undeniable strangeness factor.
I can't help but think that the target markets for this song include white males under the age of eleven, grocery store employees, and wealthy, young conspicuous consumers who buy any music for which they've seen a video. No self-respecting fan of rap music could possibly appreciate this drivel. Scapegoat Wax is Sisqó and Nelly for white, suburban ten-year-old skinheads. And the video looks like an advertisement for Kroger's with a hot model and a fat, incompetent white rapper thrown in for good measure. Avoid this one at all costs, but the video is almost worth seeing once for its unsurpassed stupidity and strangeness.
The CD single includes the original (video) mix, four remixes, and one (non-Allison) bonus track that is throwaway to put it mildly. The four remixes add lots of unnecessary percussion and dubbing effects in a failed attempt to resuscitate material that was DOA (dead on arrival). Remixes often work well in more dance-oriented genres such as house, techno, and jungle, but the particular musical elements of rap rarely allow for remixes that significantly better the original. "Allison" is no exception, and the remixes seem obviously generated for the sole purpose of helping to sell more units of the single in the period before the Scapegoat Wax debut album was released.
